Unwritten Pages

Sometimes I look back I had barley enough, Had to choose to get gas, or get something to eat Used to ride round all the white neighborhoods, and go park and recline just to get me some sleep I’m in the back, but up under the street light for safety, cause there’s nothing under my seat Quarter tank of gas, but I’ll keep it running cause I’ll freeze to death if I turn off this heat Then wake-up, Start counting the pennies and nickels up under the floor mats, just so I can see; If I got enough for a coffee, a bagel, A drive-thru? God I need something to eat Look to the sky, I’m asking God, “Why? Like what did I do? I am down on my knees” I done came to far, to live this life, Know this pain can’t be destined for me Heart stopped, had to sit and watch, While the repo man drove my shit down the street Felt like the whole world was watching, Like damn man, you can’t be more discreet? See? Most won’t believe what I been through, cause deep down, I’m still really, so sweet, But back in the day I hurt so many people That I really love and ain’t mean to mistreat The grass is never greener, They don’t got it better, Life is not always as clear as it seems You see the big house, white picket fence, Think it’s perfect, but that’s not what it means. Sometimes what happens inside the home, can be worse then what happens outside in them streets “What is you doing, we supposed to be sleep?” I was a lil girl, up under them sheets! I remember winters not having heat, I’m talking bout shivering chattering teeth ‘Bout two, three, four years With the same shoes on, Too tight for my feet Couldn’t tell you the last time I had a Christmas tree, decorations or reef All I got is the shrimp, beef, or the chicken ramen noodles when I’m craving meat I can be honest cause this my life, I ain’t hiding, or giving a fuck bout a hater So many times in my life there was devils around me when I couldn’t recognize danger Couldn’t recognize MY OWN self in the mirror, Cause everyone’s trying to change her Relatives acting funny with me, I can’t tell if we blood, or if we are strangers When they jammed my homie up, And tried to throw him to the gators I fought for him up in trial So he didnt have to leave his babies. So why when I spin the block, I couldn’t ask him for a favor? Never would I had thought, being corny was up in his flavor You get what you get, I deserved what I got. I Guess that’s what I get for messin’ with them hawks **** say they stand ten toes, but ain’t never showed it? Then that shit is all talk Daddy always taught me, “Never listen to what a man says, baby, watch how he walk.” Daddy always taught me, “Never listen to what a man says, baby, watch how he walk.” I ain’t lying, and I’m never hiding. All I been through in life, it done gave me my name How the fuck you gonna try to “kee-kee” about me? Bitch I ain’t living in shame! I am not binded by shackles of others opinions or judgments, I’m out of them chain If you get deep in the trenches, You gotta get out of the mud and start using your brain Been through it all, I done felt so much pain, Now I’m numb to this life, call me Ms. Novacane But I never loose, Only take lessons to learn my position and master the game Can’t explain how the passion in me lights a fire; Desire, that runs through my veins I seen it all at the bottom, Headed to the top, it’s my time and it’s nothing but gains!